


there's nothing worse than feeling like a ghost

by cassiandameron



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 17:33:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/612412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiandameron/pseuds/cassiandameron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But Dean, you need to stop.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Takes place in season 6 when Dean is driving and trying to force himself to smile</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. tell me, where am I supposed to go?

**Author's Note:**

> title from B.O.B. song. nope, i have no shame.

You think about it sometimes. You know, when you finally stop and take the world in. You haven’t done that in awhile. Stopped. It’s like watching you run and run and run and just wanting you to stop. Take a breath, prank Sammy. Smile.

But you do think about it. More than you let on. Not that you let on in the first place. It’s like watching someone eat and eat, shoving things down their throat. Stop.

It’s still there, isn’t it? Tucked safely in the corner of the trunk. It was like a silent agreement between you and Sam. A promise. When he comes back- if he comes back, you’ll be ready.

When you think about it, you wonder what you’ll say. What you’ll tell him. Your mind always stay blank, all you know is that you’ll hold him. Both you and Sammy will hold him tight.  _Welcome home._

At some point, as you stare at the filled trunk, you wonder if it’s wrong. His coat is folded up nicely (thanks to Sam) and tucked in the corner. The same corner where your dad’s phone is kept. The same corner where you’re now laying Bobby’s old, bloody hat. You wonder if it’s wrong but you know it’s not. It feels too-  _right_.

Even though you know better. You both do. He won’t appear with his tousled hair and curious blue eyes, cold and confused. You’ll just wrap him back into it, like he’d just casually forgotten it. Not like he just d-

It’s not like the phone will ring. It’s not like any of their phones will ring with the flashing ‘Dad’. There won’t be that gruff, ever-knowing voice because he’s de-

Not like Bobby will be looking for his hat back. All grumpy and angry, calling you names. You were his boys, always making fun and playing around. No, he won’t be looking for it. Not now that he’s-

You think about it and you stop. Because you can’t. You’re not like Sam. Sam, he knows how to handle it, how to deal. He knows how to feel. And no matter how much older you get you can’t figure it out. It’s not like the Impala. You know the old girl inside and out but this- You can’t.

They’re gone and you don’t know what to do.

But Dean, you need to stop.


	2. If only you knew what I knew, then you could see.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also known as bring him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Titles from a b.o.b song.

Sam catches the movement from the corner of his eyes. It’s just a slight twitch on Dean’s face.

He continues to watch silently, wondering what the hell Dean was doing. As he watches, it slowly dawns on him.

Dean’s lips quirk upward desperately and his eyes are red around the edges. He keeps trying, pushing and hoping. 

It breaks Sam’s heart.

“Dean.” It’s soft, barely there and broken but his brother hears him.

It breaks Dean’s heart.

He reprimands himself for letting Sam down, for letting Sam see _this_. Him, broken. Tired. At the end of it all and ready to jump.

“Pull over.” Sam pleads silently, watching with the same old worried expression. So, Dean does. He keeps his hands on the wheel clutching tightly. He hears a soft shuffle and feels Sam tugging at his jacket, pulling him.

And he goes with the pull, letting Sam pull him in tight.

“Dean.” Another whisper, but this ones turns him away from the edge.

It brings Dean home.


End file.
